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Posted by / 20-Apr-2020 05:31

You copied your Transfiguration homework from Hermione and it wasn’t until just before class that you realised she passive aggressively wrote an extra bit at the start of each spell so that you would be marked wrong. The MID formula lets you take the middle part out of a string of text.

=MID(1,2,3) 1: the click the cell that the text is currently in 2: Write the number of the letter you want it to start with, in this example I want all the spells to start on the 2 letter, so I am going to write the number 2 3: What letter do you want to end with?

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If your list also included where they lived, their favourite Unforgivable spell and their wand type you would just select more columns.

3: This is where you tell the formula what information you want it to bring back, if it finds Bellatrix I want it to bring back how many kills she had.

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But because wizards clearly have no understanding of structure it is time to add up the meaningless points.

I once tried to chat up a guy in a bar using my favourite Excel formula. I wasn’t too cut up about it, I figured if he were the guy for me his eyes would have lit up the moment I said VLOOKUP.

He would be in my bed right now asking me to show him my SUMIF.

In the table we selected above it has two columns (A is 1, B is 2), I am going to put 2 because I want the muggle number to come back. Don’t try to understand why, if you don’t the formula will fuck up and Bellatrix will literally get away with murder.

Top VLOOKUP tip: Always make sure the thing you are looking for is in the left hand column of the table.

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  1. The beauty of the standard-question → interesting-follow-up approach is that it will take your first date conversations to places where you’ll indirectly get to know a whole lot about the other person, without directly — and awkwardly — having to ask them, “What is your deepest fear? ” While your questions should be thought-provoking, your partner should be able to answer them without missing too much of a beat; people feel dumb when they have to do the “Hmmm, boy, well, oooh, that’s a tough one” thing, and struggle to come up with a response.