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People often are divorced with kids, so they already have that aspect of their family set up.And because of that, the outline of what they're looking for in a partner is different."Gilbert continues by saying that by your 40s, what you're looking for is generally "a more educated choice," and adds, "You know a lot more about yourself and what you want."According to Gilbert, having a clear idea of what you're looking for is one thing, but that doesn't mean problems won't arise.Generally, the biggest of which can be children, and the logistics of making combined families work."Questions usually focus around things like where are the kids going to school, where are the partners living, are we moving in together, do we have to move or will the children have to move schools," Gilbert says.According to Gilbert, the pool of men and women dating in their 40s is made up of approximately 70 per cent of people who are divorcees, 20 per cent of people who are yet to marry, and around 10 per cent who are widowers."The men that are 40 to 50 generally want to meet someone that is also 40 to 50," she says.But according to Gilbert, whose company caters to business owners and professionals, it's about much more than just one thing."It can be very hard to meet people who are on the same frequency as you," Gilbert says, explaining that bank balances aside, meeting the right person involves finding someone who has the same interests and outlook on life as you."The people I work with are successful, accomplished driven people who want a genuine, serious relationship," she says.
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For starters, she says, websites and apps like Tinder, Bumble and RSVP are “a big fishing expedition with a lot of time wasting.” You have to wade through photos, bios, hobbies and interests descriptions, and even then there’s no guarantee that the person you’re talking to is actually the person in that profile.
And while you may have some TV shows and weekend hobbies in common, there’s no guarantee you’ll feel the same about the issues that count, like parenting and politics.
The benefit of meeting someone when you're at a different stage in life, Gilbert says, is that you can abandon the conventional relationship setup if it doesn't work for you."A relationship can look any way you want it to look," she says, claiming she knows of couples who continue to live apart after making a serious commitment, couples who after 20 years together have moved to separate residences to begin dating again, others who accompany one another to work events and spend just weekends together.